Friday, December 22, 2006

Urgent Plea: Keep Marijuana Illegal

Pretty Lady has just discovered a fascinating fact: marijuana is now America's number one cash crop. Greater than wheat, corn, soybeans or hay!

And just imagine, what a crisis there would be in the American economy if marijuana were legal! The price would plummet! The last remaining reliable source of extreme profit for small-businessmen farmers would vanish, and thousands of people would starve! Not to mention the number of law-enforcement professionals who would be out of a job!

...the increase is also a function of government enforcement efforts, Gettman argued. "In response to the government spraying Mexican marijuana with paraquat in the 1970s, people began to grow in California and Hawaii. Then the government starting flying helicopters and airplanes around looking for marijuana from the sky, so cultivation spread out," he explained. "By 1982, it was in 32 states. Now, it's in all 50 states. Growers also moved to smaller plots and to maximize production with the use of fertilizers, better genetic stock, and the production of sinsemilla, and they moved inside. Everything the government has done to stop marijuana production has caused growers to respond, and now we are at a point where we have diffused cultivation and small-scale production all over the country," the analyst argued.
Friends, the situation is dire. It can only be a matter of time before someone in Big Government realizes the vast revenue potential in taxation of legal marijuana production, and puts the kibosh on this life-saving industry by legalizing it. Please, write your Congressperson immediately. Tell them that you know that although legalizing marijuana appears to be sane, profitable and practical, nevertheless to Vote Against It. Your country's very livelihood may be at stake.


Desert Cat said...


Anonymous said...

So... whats wrong with keeping marajuiana illegal?

or better yet, lets be like China 100 years ago. Everyone was an addict. Or how about some european countries now.

Personally, I think it is unwise to make drugs legal. Some people wouldn't be able to help themselves, me included.

Pretty Lady said...

Starbuck, honey:

1) Pretty Lady has already laid out the case for keeping marijuana illegal. You will get no argument from her.

2) People are already helping themselves. And helping, and helping, and helping. The illegality of marijuana has done a great deal to promote this.

3) Legalizing marijuana will not necessarily lessen the number of drug abusers in this country, but it will hopefully lessen the amount of drug-related violence, selective use of drug charges to seize people's assets and imprison harmless people indefinitely, and billions squandered upon trying to prevent the inevitable.

4) Pretty Lady hates pot. Stoned people are stupid and boring, boring, boring. Remember this, the next time you are tempted. Boring Pretty Lady is a worse fate than jail.

Anonymous said...

I don't do drugs. I also prefer to stay away from alcohol, as it has a tendency to make me mean. I was never a happy drunk.

mlw1992 said...

Its is real simple. Marijuana is not a drug. Its a plant and it grows like that. drugs you have to do stuff to it chemically. As far as marijuana effecting the not god i cant say how it would work out. i see it this way if everything cant be legal then make it all illegal,including alcohol.

Unknown said...

This is a satire right?