Friday, December 01, 2006

Top 17 Country Songs

Is it any wonder that Pretty Lady left Texas, but still enjoys her visits?

17. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine

16. It's Hard To Kiss the Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass Out All Day

15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

14. If The Phone Don't Ring,You'll Know It's Me

13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

12. I Liked You Better Before I Got To Know You So Well

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better

10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

8. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here

7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison Now

6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him

5. She Got The Ring and I Got the Finger

4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Were Pure

2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

And the Number One Country Song ---

1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman, But I've Sure Woke Up With
A Few


Crom said...

2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

I used to never believe that these stories were true, until I had an experience that changed my mind.

I moved in a social circle in my early twenties that could best be described as "unshy" and I remember playing quarters one night across from a girl I knew more from reputation than experience. She was blowsy, overweight and had the worst red dyed hair since Flo on "Alice." I had heard tales of her copulatory track record and she had managed to rack up quite a few frequent flyer miles among the men in the group, and I never understood why, since I found her ugly at best, and repulsive in her manner and speech.

As the night reached it's Pabst Blue Ribbon apogee I distinctly remember looking across the table at her and thinking, "Hmm. She's not that bad, I wonder what I missed before." A few beers later I had a similar thought as she winked at me.

Then it struck me, and it was sobering like sleet on naked flesh. Beer goggles. I never believed in them until that moment - and this was a profound moment, more so because I was half-drunk at the moment of clarity.

There is indeed some wisdom in those hillbilly anthems that is not readily apparent to those who have never bounced a quarter on sticky formica into a Casa Ole shotglass.

Pretty Lady said...

Well, I must be a compleat hillbilly at heart, because the wisdom seems self-evident in MOST of these, to me. In fact, I might be able to supply a few more...

She Done Necked Lak Crazy, then Pushed Me Out the Door

One-eyed Drunk on the Wrong Side o'
the Highway

Takin' Out Mah Lady With Mah Last Roll o' Quarters

Blonde on the Bus with Nietzche

What Did You Do To Get Your Jaw Wired Shut?

Psycho in the Bushes, Policeman at the Door

Hmm, I could go on all night...

MikeeUSA said...
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