Sunday, December 03, 2006


All of you darlings who have expressed consuming curiosity as to Pretty Lady's religious belief system may put your minds at rest. According to the Belief-O-Matic Belief Calculator, Pretty Lady is 100% Hindu.

This could not have come as more of a surprise to Pretty Lady herself, who is now at a loss as to what to do with all these boxes of Christmas decorations. Even more tragically, this is the first year that the Christmas cactus has blossomed right on cue, due to the new strategy of placing it in the far corner of the sunny window, where seasonal variations in light are maximal.

Oh, hang the Belief-O-Matic. Pretty Lady cannot re-structure her entire system of seasonal rituals, habits and celebrations on the basis of a trivial thing like allegiance to a formalized code of religious beliefs. What would become of her cookie-cutter collection, her mulling spices, and that splendid Danny Wright CD, with the trumpets and the choirboys, which never fails to bring a sentimental tear to her eye, at its resonant rendition of 'A Gaelic Blessing?'

It is All One, anyway. Pretty Lady will forge on ahead with the fruitcake, the twinkle lights, the raffia and the homemade bath salts, just for the fun of it.

Truthfully, she has never understood what all the traditional carping about various winter solstice holiday celebrations, or lack therof, is all about. Darlings. Lighten up, already. The reason we light lots of candles in December, and bake extravagantly fattening things, and sing songs, and shower one other with frivolous and indulgent tokens of affection, is principally that it is cold and dark outside. One can either do something to creatively counteract these bleak and clammy environmental circumstances, or one can aggressively Wallow in them, spreading gloom, despair and depression all around.

Pretty Lady is happy to report that her new friends are not of the Wallowing variety. Indeed, what with the fact that Pretty Lady volunteered to help with Christmas party preparation, yesterday, and was thusly regaled with paté, truffle honey, wine and cheese starting in the early afternoon, long before the groaning smorgasboard of Swedish and Filipino holiday delicacies even approached its peak, she will have to add a couple of extra Yoga classes to her schedule, in order to maintain her usual fitness of form.

So it seems the Hindu contingent will be, after all, placated.


Anonymous said...

Unitarian. Not to surprising. I would say I'm a Christian without the heavy handedness that's becoming an epidemic.

Anonymous said...

HA - 100% liberal Quaker!

The Aardvark said...

100% Eastern Orthodox. We have actually had Inclinations toward such.

I am amused.