Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Biological Differences

Pretty Lady's cuñado recently alerted her to a grave oversight in her oeuvre. Whilst the two of use were packing for the day's kayaking expedition, he casually declared, "I'm not hungry, now, so we won't pack any food. Okay?"

Well, no.

Pretty Lady declared, "I am a female person. I go into Low Blood Sugar, every four hours on the dot. We shall pack food. This is a central issue."

Her smart-aleck cuñado retorted, "Well, it must not be that central, because Pretty Lady hasn't written about it."

Horrors. She must rectify the situation at once.

Gentlemen. You must understand. The vast majority of ladies are not camels. We are not exclusively carniverous mammals, either. The tigerish habit of saving up our hunger for six or eight or twelve hours, then consuming two thousand calories all at once in a frenzy, does not suit our temperaments. If truth be told, it doesn't suit yours, either; but nevertheless, many of you seem determined to force it. Thinking that it's 'macho' or something.

Gentlemen, it is in your seriously vested interests to understand this simple fact. The vast majority of feminine snapping, snarking, carping, nagging, backseat-driving, headaches, rolling of eyeballs, and expelling one's breath loudly in a suppressed huff could be avoided, by the simple expedient of Stopping for Lunch. Now. Not in an hour and a half when we're closer to that Perfect Spot. Not in four hours when the famed stuffed pizza joint begins serving. Now. The stuffed pizza can wait.

This, gentlemen, is not a Weight Issue. Weight Issues are an irrelevant tangent; they are a scurrilous means for insecure persons to maintain an illusion of moral superiority. In fact, Pretty Lady has noticed that there is a direct connection between the person who responds to the statement, "I'm hungry," with "Oh, I never eat before two," and the person with a serious weight problem. People with weight problems never acknowledge hunger to be a valid issue, because they themselves have utterly separated the concepts of 'food' and 'hunger.' Food, to them, has become a means of covert control.

(This holds equally true for persons whose weight problems comprehend anorexia and bulimia. There is nothing at all more draining than attempting to share a meal with a recovering bulimic. Trust me, it leaves no room for civilized conversation.)

No, Low Blood Sugar is a pedestrian phenomenon, which happens to more or less all of us. It simply is. There is no moralizing to be done about it; there is simply the obtaining of Lunch. Which is cause, indeed, for celebration; not an onerous task at all.


BoysMom said...

And if the lady in question happens to be pregnant, the blood sugar drop is at two hours, just so you gentlemen are forwarned.
On that note, it is time for me to go prepare lunch, as small children also get grumpy when not fed regularly, and three grumpy people would be three too many.

Matt said...

He isnt hungry now...so don't pack any food for later, when he WILL be hungry.

You spend time with very intelligent people.

I would have packed plenty of food for you, my sweet.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm....I like to be hungry. Not always and all the time. But I go in spurts of enjoying the sensation of hunger for days at a time with a minimal of eating and a bunch of strong coffee to drive me further to the edge.
Why??? I think about animals (wolves come first to mind). Awake when in real need of food, asleep when satiated. I wonder if cavepeople ate regularly and how they set their clocks for eating.
Nring out the mammoth sandwich at (am, 12:01 pm, 6pm?
I relax and tire after a good meal. I lose some of the edge. I like functioning from the perspective of the edge.
Choice. Right....? Nah.
Wrong......? Nah.
Just choice and exploration and choice again based on the results.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Why woould I look for formula and consistency.
I must be a guy. I will go look and make sure.

Pretty Lady said...

Danny, you are such a boy. No need to check, I can tell.

I used to be like that, in college--enjoyed the high I got from not-eating, plus the attention I got from being preternaturally thin. But it wasn't a happy thing. I got mononucleosis and frequent ear infections, too. Now I do not tolerate the antics of anyone who prefers the chasing of this high to my society and comfort.

Anonymous said...

Dear PL, this one is non-competitive. Just as one subscribes to an opinion or one religion as opposed to another. Neither is it a weight loss technique since I neither gain or lose weight when I eat or not (beyond my understanding). But if you put me up to choosing between you and the "high" ( not really a high as much as an accentuate awareness state) , I will eat massively rather than loose your society. Oh well. Life is always choices, isn't it?\
As to previous post, I found no tell tale signs. I looked in the drawers.....but there were only socks there. Then I remember ...not "those" drawers, the other ones.
Duh....oh!!! so hard to keep things from mixing up. I will be back, if I remember.

druidbros said...

I have found that I must eat something every 4 hours or I get mean. That is, I speak to my lovely wife in a tone of voice which she finds unpleasant.

You are entirely sorrect in your assessment of your friend trying to be macho. It is a general rule for those of us who wonder around in the wilderness to always pack vittles.

druidbros said...

oops...... correct