Now that this is off our chest, down to important matters

Marinara puttanesca:

1 large can crushed organic tomatoes, fire-roasted or with organic basil
5 dried red chile peppers
5 cloves garlic, crushed
6 large organic scallions, chopped
1 tsp oregano
1 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp olive oil
1 handful fresh basil, or 1 tsp dried basil
4 fresh Roma tomatoes, chopped
2 bay leaves
1/2 jar Spanish capers
1/2 cup Kalamata olives, pitted and halved
1/2 jar anchovies
Red wine


Stew all ingredients except capers, olives, anchovies and wine for a minimum of one hour and three-quarters, covered, over a low flame. Add anchovies, capers, olives, and a dash or two of a stout merlot, cabernet or burgundy at the end of cooking, then turn off the heat, lest the alcohol evaporate. Serve over linguini or tortellini.

Warning: the addition of parmesan cheese, in this particular recipe, renders the salt content excessive.