Sunday, May 21, 2006

The Horror

Recently viewed: Something purporting to entitle itself 'Pride and Prejudice,' starring Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfal-de-ralyen-or-somesuch.

Verdict: Words fail me.

Rant: One does not make a Jane Austen novel into a Gothic melodrama. One does not do it. This was a travesty. From Keira Knightley's toothy, pointless giggling to Keira Knightley standing atop a cliff with her garments billowing behind her, this was a travesty.

On the bright side, Matthew Mac-whatchamacallit is approximately 110X hotter than Colin Firth.

But Pemberley is not, never has been, and never will be, Blenheim freakin' palace. Ditto Rosings. These are well-heeled gentlefolk, not freakin' royalty. Eliza Bennett does not look or giggle like Keira Knightley. Keira Knightley is blindingly pretty, and thus entirely wrong for Eliza Bennett. Mr. Collins is dumpier and much, much more foolish; Mr. Bingley cannot possibly be so callow; and what is UP with the TEETH? One who thinks that Englishpersons of any era, but particularly the eighteenth century, could possibly all be possessed of mouthfulls of gleaming, regular pearly whites has got hold of the wrong socialized medical system. During the last, interminably foolish scene with Eliza and Mr. Bennett, Pretty Lady was driven almost to distraction by the glare emanating from Mr. Bennett's mouth. It was positively indecent.

Pretty Lady is having palpitations. She will go make some chanomile tea, lie down, and try to forget.


Pretty Lady said...

I forgot to say--Matthew Macwhatever is 110X hotter than Colin Firth, even with the sideburns.

Pretty Lady said...

And not being the type with a cause or need to impress, have not an ounce of shame in admitting it.

Gracious, Morgan, are you implying that I DO have a cause, or a need to impress? You misunderstand me. My only cause is my passionate attachment to the novels of Jane Austen, about which, I daresay, I can be a bit puristic.

heidi said...

I adored the movie.

Being not a purist at all and not a Huge Jane Austen fan. I prefer stories where things blow up. :)

I was more than a little surprised by the palatial estate of Mr. Darcy. Still, I enjoyed Matthew Mcwhatever immensely!!!

Pretty Lady said...

Alan Rickman, yes! 'Give me an occupation or I shall go mad.' Yes! Alan Rickman could sit in the corner and read the phone book aloud and I would be perfectly entertained.

He's gay, you know. Doesn't matter. Just read the phone book, my dear.