Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The complexities of virtue

Scooterhawk presses a button:

PL, the problem is not with men, but with you. I find it strange that a woman who, by her own admission, engaged in casual relationships now expects a man to earn what she once so freely gave away. Why should he? What makes you worth the effort when so many others are willing to give him what he wants for a drink and a smile?

This is the seminal problem I have with modern feminist. You demand that men respect something that you readily discard. If you want a man to leap tall buildings, swim oceans, climb mountains and slay dragons for the honor of beholding your virtue then I suggest you actually be virtuous first. Otherwise you’re just selling a cheap knockoff in a buyer’s market.

Scooterhawk, my dear, if I did not know what a lovely person you are, I might conceiveably be offended by this statement. But since I know you meant well, I will address your question in the spirit of exasperated concern in which I am almost sure it was intended.

Firstly, my dear, Scooter, although Pretty Lady may not speak for others, she herself has never engaged in 'casual relationships.' She has engaged in Failed Relationships, Tragic Mistakes, Learning Experiences, Passionate, Doomed Affairs, and Things Bordering upon the Modern Definition of 'Date Rape,' which she has never whined about and was certainly not permanently scarred by, but were definitely not premeditated or fully consensual acts of 'giving something away.'

Pretty Lady has a very good heart, and all of these mistakes were made in the best of faith, according to the shifting, ambiguous, and conflicting social standards in which she was immersed. It is a terrible thing to send a young girl into the world, uninformed about the basic propensities, methodologies and expectations of the men she encounters; Pretty Lady at the start was utterly unequipped to deal with them, and was forced to learn by trial and error.

Second, darling Scooter, if you are defining a 'relationship' by the mere act of sexual intercourse, of course a man has no earthly reason to court Pretty Lady, or any other female. Sexual intercourse, or at least a blow job, may be had at the corner of 14th and 4th avenues for fifty dollars, and it has always been this way. If you have to ask what makes Pretty Lady 'worth the effort,' you have either not been paying attention or you are an irremediable Lump.

There are, perhaps, many men who are in the market for a wife who is a clueless, blushing virgin with no experience in interpersonal relationships. It may surprise them to know that Pretty Lady has even less interest in these men than they have in her. The type of fellow who floats Pretty Lady's boat is someone who appreciates the sort of wisdom, insight and compassion which are only to be gained by courageously entering the world, trying things, falling down, laughing about it, and getting up again, a Sadder but Wiser Girl.

Thirdly, my most excellent Scooter, the viewpoint of Modern Feminism is that a woman's virtue is defined by infinitely more than an intact hymen. We are demanding that men respect, not merely a fragile piece of tissue nestled in our nether reasons, but our minds, our hearts, our souls, and every bit of our bodies, in whatever condition they may happen to be.

Now, any decent man respects these things anyway, and I am sure, Scooter, that you are a decent man. However the facts must be faced that a large, large number of men through the ages have been anything but decent, and to define a woman's value as dependent upon her treatment by these radically indecent fellows is simply unacceptable.

A man, Scooter, has always been able to make mistakes, to fail dramatically in his endeavors, and still be perceived by the world at large as a worthy man. A woman has rarely had that luxury. To achieve the wisdom of maturity, such failures are necessary. Pretty Lady believes that the excesses of modern feminism are simply the dramatic failures of persons struggling earnestly toward a chance at maturity.

Lastly, it appears to me that you have dared to suggest that Pretty Lady is not a virtuous woman. I refer you to the large number of friends and relatives who will attest that Pretty Lady is renowned far and wide for her kindness, her compassion, her nurturance, her patience, her understanding, her inner strength, her courage, her wit, her sense of humor, her discipline, and her sincerity in loving and seeking to know God. Also her homemade oatmeal cookies, marinara puttanesca, and spicy mung beans with ginger. And her skills at parallel parking a standard transmission automobile, backwards, on a hill.

Pretty Lady knows some women who were virgins at marriage; her large acquaintance even stretches to these. She knows, sadly, that some of these women are rigid, controlling, impatient, unloving, non-compassionate, bitter persons who make their husbands' lives a living hell. Pretty Lady loves these women anyway, because she knows that they are suffering for what they believe is a Good Cause, and that they are doing the best they can.

But Pretty Lady also believes that if a man could make a truly informed choice, he'd choose her. If she'd have him.

6 comments:

scooterhawk said...

Wow, a topic dedicated to one of my post. I’m honored PL. Ok, I probably should have never voiced my opinion on this issue, but being the irremediable Lump that I am let me just say this; One of the basic rules of economics is that an item is worth what the buyer is willing to pay, not my dear PL, what the seller expects for it.
I never said that a man of character should seek out clueless, blushing virgin for a wife. I’ve known many confident, intelligent and accomplished women who were also *gasp* virgins. My wife is one of them. Experiencing life, gaining wisdom and acquiring insight does not necessarily require one to get laid. Chastity is the mark of a woman who values not only her body but also of a woman who insist a man prove his worth and commitment to her.
I know this may be hard for some women to understand but men, intrinsically, do not seek out women for companionship, they find other men. If a woman does not require courtship before sex then why should a man “do” anything? Why does he care if you make great cookies or that you’ve mastered the ability to parallel park that is not what he’s after. He will only value and appreciate you if you demand that he knows you first and loves the person you are. If you expect nothing from him, that is all you’ll ever get.

prettylady said...

If you expect nothing from him, that is all you’ll ever get.

This is absolutely true; as I have so patiently explained, some of us generous-hearted women have had to learn this fact through trial and error. This does not make us one whit less generous-hearted, only wiser.

men, intrinsically, do not seek out women for companionship

Why in the world, my dear Scooter, would a woman with wisdom, self-esteem, wit and intelligence waste a single second upon a man who does NOT value her companionship? There is no such thing as a 'buyer's market' when it comes to the establishment of true partnerships. Satisfaction must be thoroughly mutual for successful transactions to occur.

Pretty Lady has rejected hordes of the sorts of boors you describe, and will continue to reject them even at the risk of dying a spinster. The fact that she bothers to write elegant little essays explaining exactly why she rejected them is yet another manifestation of her generous-hearted nature. Hopefully, her more astute readers will learn something, and ultimately be successful with the women of their dreams, instead of having their messages on answering machines be deleted halfway through.

scooterhawk said...

“Why in the world, my dear Scooter, would a woman with wisdom, self-esteem, wit and intelligence waste a single second upon a man who does NOT value her companionship?”

They wouldn’t. What I feebly attempted to convey was that companionship is not first and foremost on a man’s mind when it comes to engaging members of the opposite sex. It matures and grows as a relationship develops but women a largely responsible for directing it. A man will be a man if his woman requires it.

“There is no such thing as a 'buyer's market' when it comes to the establishment of true partnerships. Satisfaction must be thoroughly mutual for successful transactions to occur.”

Well Spoken Pretty Lady! I agree whole-heartedly. Unfortunately for most, true partnerships, are not even a distant blip on the radar screen. Just from reading your elegant essays I can glean that most of these men you describe aren’t interested in true love, they’re interest in having a good time with a beautiful, intelligent, witty and sophisticated woman. I’m sure these men are also beautiful, intelligent, witty and sophisticated which is why you, being Pretty Lady, are attracted to them. The question then is one of intent and motivation. Only when both partners enter into a relationship with the intent of pleasing each other does it cease to be a zero-sum proposition.

prettylady said...

Absolutely, my dear Scooter. We are on complete common ground as regards your entire last paragraph. All that Pretty Lady can say in her own defense is that she is not the sort of lady who makes the same mistake over and over (except the one of being spiritually and emotionally over-generous, which she has finally pinpointed and is actively eradicating from her behavior); she creates a DIFFERENT dramatic fiasco everytime she ventures into the psycho-sexual stratosphere, and has learned an immense amount every time.

Pretty Lady's intents and motivations have always been as pure as she could make them. Divining, and avoiding, the impure motivations of others has become her life's study.

Morgan said...

Goodness, it does seem that Scooterhawk did indeed push a button.

I completely agree with what Pretty Lady says. An intact hymen is a sign of virginity, but virginity has nothing to do with virtue.

Tell me, Scooterhawk. If a woman is raped, has her "virtue been stolen?" as a conservative friend of mine once alleged?

And are men -having no hymen to break- beyond the requirement to be virtuous themselves?

I do agree that a woman who treats sex casually will earn the reputation as an easy mark, but she's no less virtuous than the men who help pull down her panties.
Pardon me for the personal question, Scooterhawk, but since you divulged personal details about your wife's sexual innocence, I hope you won't mind sharing with us whether you yourself were a virgin on your wedding night.

danonymous said...

scooterhawk says...
One of the basic rules of economics is that an item is worth what the buyer is willing to pay.

A Van gogh never sold for $50-100 million for quite a number of years yet a time came when what could be had for almost nothing could only be had for a king's ransom. I think it can be a trap to assume a static and unchanging
value in anything. Who would think that after the 80's crash of gold prices, when gold fell from over $800 to about $200 an ounce, that gold would have reached over $700 again?