Friday, February 08, 2008

Pretty Lady: Third Person Singular

Every now and then, Pretty Lady hears some of you grumbling. "Why does Pretty Lady write about herself in the third person?" you want to know. "It's so pretentious. So annoying. We sometimes find her words amusing, but ye gods. Enough already."

Well, darlings, as much as Pretty Lady's first objective in life is to make you happy, there are some very good reasons why she cannot oblige your finely-honed aesthetic preferences in all ways. Pretty Lady's third person singularity is part of her entire raison d'etre.

You see, my dears, the most important thing about Pretty Lady is that she is, specifically and explicitly, not her author. She is a fanciful Postulate who incorporates, perhaps, a few of her author's characteristics, thoughts and adventures, but not all of them, and not in the same way. Pretty Lady's author can assure you that, were she to incessantly spout 'dears' and 'darlings' all over her physical friends, she would soon have a lot fewer of them.

Moreover, being a Postulate, Pretty Lady has specifically delineated characteristics, which may or may not always apply to her author. She is, by definition, Pretty. She is, by definition, a Lady. By definition, she loves everybody, although she may occasionally betray a bit of egoistic impatience with some of you, every now and then. Not even Pretty Lady is perfect. Although she may be perfect in her imperfections, just like all of you.

Since Pretty Lady is not an actual person, but an Abstraction, then, she may also incorporate the Universal within her scope. In her singularity, she transcends; thus there is a bit of Pretty Lady in every one of us. Pretty Lady feels that it is vital to remind those she loves of this--that when any one of you look into your mirror or your soul, that you find a bit of Pretty Lady there. That you find perfection in your flaws, and a hint of universal, overflowing affection.

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