Thursday, April 05, 2007

The Rules

Pretty Lady must give a sigh of amused exasperation; her friend Crom appears to be determined to push boundaries today.

not knowing your opinion on strangers sending you packages, I decided that discretion would be the better course of action and did not send it. However, should our acquaintance last throughout the year, perhaps a bottle of Booker's will wind it's way to the Big Apple for a very merry Christmas, after all.
As a general rule--being, after all, a Lady--Pretty Lady will accept modest tokens of respect and esteem from relative strangers. These tokens may include books, flowers, original artwork, concert tickets, CDs, bottles of liquor, and Paypal tips.

They do not, however, encompass jewelry, automobiles, lingerie, electronic gadgets, or four-page calligraphic proposals of matrimony. Neither do they include the only extant photo of your birth mother who sold you to the Americans when you were an infant, the original handwritten manuscript of your unedited first novel, or any severed portion of your anatomy.

If you send Pretty Lady an unsolicited nude photograph of yourself, however artistically posed, she will not respond to any further correspondence she should happen to receive from you. The male of the species is recurrently prey to the delusion that ladies appreciate the things that he would appreciate, if the situation were reversed; nothing could be farther from the truth.

8 comments:

Crom said...

"These tokens may include books, flowers, original artwork, concert tickets, CDs, bottles of liquor, and Paypal tips." (emphasis added)

But of course. Your previous post is statistically speaking, 100% correct in elucidating the phenomenon of projection in cyber-based relationships. I too have had varying success in meeting people that I have met out here, the most common being that I am disappointed in the reality of the person. Most everyone on the Internet is far wittier and better looking than they are in life.

Allow me to cast some light on how I see things here. No one here is really real to me, we are all mostly writing under noms de plume and while some semblance of our real personalities invariably shine through in our writing, the truth is you all know nothing of my day to day life outside of the little I have told you, and the same is true to me of all of you.

This is not a bad thing - not that you aren't all interesting and might indeed be cool people in the real world, but this forum offers an opportunity seldom seen in the real world. Contentious though they may be sometimes, I am enriched by the varying points of view, and hopefully I have made you think about something from a different perspective on a topic, if even only to briefly consider an alternate possibility.

Indeed, the odds that I will meet any of you in the real world are somewhere between zero and none. There is an advantage to that, in that provides a certain candor that allows for real topics to be discussed, jokes to be made, and friendly insults swapped without anyone really having to risk real emotional distress.

One thing is abundantly clear. My sense of humor is clearly not successfully articulated in a textual format. So, unless I am banned for pushing the boundaries I expect to treat you all to more ham-handed attempts at mirth, clever though I think they may be.

So be content, outside of cyberspace scribblings, none here shall ever hear herald from me in life, and I shall remain to all a constant, a writer, and a riddle. (of steel)

Chris Rywalt said...

PL sez:
They do not, however, encompass jewelry, automobiles, lingerie, electronic gadgets, or four-page calligraphic proposals of matrimony.

Dang. In that case, do not attempt to make undies out of what I mailed you yesterday.

prettylady said...

If it is more shoelaces, you have my solemn word.

Judge Well Ye Wolves said...

[cue the sound of a 2-page single space typewritten marriage proposal being ripped to bits and tossed in the dustbin]

Judge Well Ye Wolves said...

(assuming, of course, that one would have a recording of such a sound.....)

starbuck said...

I guess this means that what I learn about people means, nothing...

Ok! I can live with that!

Bobert said...

"If you send Pretty Lady an unsolicited nude photograph of yourself, however artistically posed, she will not respond to any further correspondence she should happen to receive from you."

It must be a far stranger world we live in than I ever imagined- if that has become a problem for you.

prettylady said...

Bobert, let us just say that Pretty Lady very rarely Makes Things Up.