Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Real Estate

Available: Snug Victorian cottages. Quiet neighborhood; excellent views. Built to last. Grounds maintenance included.


No pets, food, bicycles, or music. Trespassers will be arrested.


In the belfry, a rogue gang of parrots are forever chattering raucously.

14 comments:

Bobert said...

Righto....

and your neighbors never bother you.

heh...

Crom said...

INT. NIGHT. PL'S WELL-APPOINTED NEW YORK FLAT. VARIOUS PAINTINGS ARE LEANED UP AGAINST THE WALL IN THE FAR CORNER, AND OTHERS ADORN THE WALLS.


PRETTY LADY SITS AT HER COMPUTER, A WARM SHAWL WRAPPED ABOUT HER NARROW FRAME.

PRETTY LADY (TYPING)
A Perfectly Decent Gentleman, except for a regrettable tendency toward theological sadism.

PRETTY LADY STANDS SUDDENLY AND THROWS OFF THE SHAWL, AND WITH DELIBERATE APLOMB RIPS THE SCARLET 'A' FROM HER BLOUSE.

PRETTY LADY
Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day stands tiptoe on the misty mountain-tops!

FADE TO BLACK

prettylady said...

Somebody's been drinking...

Morris said...

What's the name of that locality, PL?
Cryptavia?

Crom said...

Somebody's been drinking...

Moi? Perish the thought. Besides, it's morning now and I am choking down mouthfuls of the aforementioned Bad Government Coffee with granulated creamer.

Note to readers: Buy stock in Zantac, or Prevacid. Trust me.

However, the coffee in my area is better than others since the guy who makes it makes it the Navy way, with a pinch of salt in it to cut the bitterness. This act of culinary tradition makes it into something we can drink, as opposed to the other areas where the best use for the morning java is degreasing engines.

prettylady said...

Morris: The Greenwood Cemetary, Brooklyn.

Crom: You men have no practical self-preservation instincts. In any Job I've ever worked, a collection would have been taken up to purchase some decent coffee, perhaps from Peet's or Whole Foods, and a small refrigerator would have been smuggled in and stocked with half-and-half. Or else people would have stopped off at Starbucks on the way to work, and ignored the swill in the break room.

Repeat after me: 'Life is too short to drink swill in the mornings.' Ever. Even one beswilled morning is Too Many.

Crom said...

"You men have no practical self-preservation instincts."

This made me grin because I once posted in your comments section how you could take the amount of money you spend on a large coffee and a muffin at Starbuck's and put together a disaster kit that would see you through 95% of all earthquakes, EMP's, terrorist attacks and most other SHTF situations.

As far as drinking swill, mea maxima culpa. In my younger years, I imbibed things that would have been better served poured into a crankcase rather than into my system.

Nowadays, I drink a double shot of apple cider vinegar mixed in water with my breakfast, which almost invariably is a hunk of black pumpernickel bread with a couple of thick slices of hard salami. Black coffee mostly, although I do buy heavy whipping cream to mix in there for those days when I want something sweet.

Once I am work I drink the Repo Man-esque white label generic coffee with the white label generic creamer because I do not drink soda and I will not eat anything containing aspartame or Splenda. So Cokes and Diet Cokes are out - swill is the only remaining choice.

Desert Cat said...

Fortunately our GM is a coffee drinker and won't tolerate swill, although his tastes run to darker roast than I like.

And my cube is equipped with a small refrigerator containing 1/2+1/2 (among other things).

I end up drinking soda most days anyway though.

Anonymous said...

'Life is too short to drink swill in the morning'

How long does life have to be, to make swill-drinking okay?

Me, I think life is too long to drink swill. Not when there is so much good tea in the world.

Beck

prettylady said...

you could take the amount of money you spend on a large coffee and a muffin at Starbuck's and put together a disaster kit

Okay, that accounts for ONE swill-filled morning. How many disaster kits do you need?

I drink a double shot of apple cider vinegar mixed in water with my breakfast

Er, why? You're not one of those crazed health nuts who believes that apple cider vinegar is the key to immortality, are you?

I drink the Repo Man-esque white label generic coffee with the white label generic creamer because I do not drink soda

And it's obviously an either/or situation, because Good Coffee only grows in communist countries, and is thus not cleared to enter a government building; smuggling some in would undoubtedly result in your arrest and prosecution for terrorism.

Okay. Gotcha.

Crom said...

"You're not one of those crazed health nuts who believes that apple cider vinegar is the key to immortality, are you?

Crazed health nut? Yep. It's all part of my routine that includes rare red meat, vodka and the occasional cigar. I didn't know that vinegar was the key to immortality though - although that's great news to me - I started drinking it at the urging of a heart specialist buddy of mine who was your typical triathlon type of guy. I lift freeweights and run, and that's it.

I know a lot about nutrition, but I often find it difficult to care.

starbuck said...

I don't drink coffee.

mitzibel said...

I only rarely drink coffee, but when I do, it's *good*. The pound of 100% Kona in the freezer has lasted since Christmas. Yay, friends in Hawaii!!

k said...

hahaha starbuck!

PRETTY PRETTY Real Estate! And built to last, too.