Friday, March 09, 2007

Harmonic Resonance

Gracious. It seems that whenever Pretty Lady uses words such as 'sordid' in a post title, no matter how whimsically intended, some of her friends are inclined to take her seriously, and do their best to live up to the low expectations established therein. Pretty Lady now commands these dear friends of hers to Cease and Desist with insulting one another, and equally with taking offense when tongue-in-cheek insults are offered.

(Although, good heavens, if Pretty Lady found herself married to a man who expressed a categorical unwillingness to purchase a cardboard box full of Necessary Supplies on her behalf when she was Down With The Flu, for example, her first act upon rising from her bloodstained sickbed would be to file for divorce. Ahem.)

However, all these topics, today, are Moot. We shall Move On. We shall Move On to Entertaining Stories about Seduction; goody, goody!

For our dear friend Crom has embarked upon a Series wherein he proposes to unmask the Five Major Scams used upon unsuspecting ladies by men with dishonorable intentions. And Pretty Lady, for one, is All Agog.

You have to have enough on the ball to get the new girl to someplace where you are kissing, petting etc. and there is enough privacy to actually do the deed. This could be her house, your flat, a friend's bedroom - wherever you could actually have sex with little fear of interruption. If you cannot get here, stop reading and work on your conversational skills.

At some point during this epic makeout session it is likely that the girl will put the brakes on the action, because she does not want you to think she is a slut and will fall into bed with every silver-tongued raconteur that spins a witty yarn. It is your job to detect the beginnings of this subtle refusal, and right when she is about to say "Hold on, stop. Let's talk about this for a second" instead YOU stop, and pull away, but not too far.

You should appear embarrassed, and somewhat flustered when you tell the girl that she is a cool person, and that you definitely like her but you don't want to take things here that fast and that you really want to get to know her better before you take this next step of getting physical. It is critical that this be done convincingly.

If she believes you, she will now believe that you respect her, and are interested in her rather just getting laid. With a minor amount of encouraging, she will do the rest of the work to get you into the sack as she now actually likes and wants you. You can put your hands behind your head and enjoy the ride.

Why he started with Scam Number Two is anybody's guess. But while we are on the topic, Pretty Lady has a General Question for all and sundry, on her own personal behalf, and that is--

Why does it appear that men, by and large, seem to think that they can get away with more lame, half-assed, two-timing, bizarre, and wholly dishonorable behavior when the woman in question is rather more extraordinary than average? Or is this simply an illusory thing, and the fact that Pretty Lady has been subjected to a large amount of such behavior is merely par for the course?

For it veritably seems that just as soon as Pretty Lady displays any sign of Whimsical Creativity, Intellectual Cognizance, or Worldly Sophistication, that is the same moment she is bombarded with articulate proposals for an extended menage-a-trois, 'discreet' affairs, peremptory insistence on 'open relationships,' failure to pick up the check, whining, leaning, passive-aggression, two-timing, and pretending to be a crazy person in public.

Whereas none of the doe-eyed innocents of her acquaintance ever seem to get this sort of thing. They are never IM'd by a stranger with the words, "Spit or swallow?" Never once do they receive a sudden, explicit proposition from a 45-year-old Caucasian man and his 23-year-old bisexual Asian sweetheart. They appear ignorant of the mechanics of BDSM, never having had them explained and demanded at intricate length by a Very Old Friend who has established trust over a period of eight or nine years. Their old married friends remain old friends, and are not off in the corner sulking because Pretty Lady turned down their offer of a threesome.

It has gotten so that Pretty Lady is wondering where on her face the words "Professional Third Wheel" are tattooed, and how in the world she can get them lasered off.

Because it would seem, to her ignorant mind, that an extraordinary person ought to inspire extraordinary things in others, and not merely catalyze a fallout of crass and contemptible behavior. To her mind, if a man finds a woman challenging, he ought to rise to meet that challenge, and not compensate by screwing around on the side. Much less should he assume that Pretty Lady, having so much to offer the world, requires less in the way of attention, commitment and maintenance than the average Good Woman. Competent, caring, informed and self-actualized though she is, she still considers herself just as human as the rest of us, and just as deserving of decent treatment from others.

14 comments:

Crom said...

At the very least you could revise your post to illustrate that I am not in fact the author of this scam. I relayed the basic mechanics of it to outline the pattern, since variations on the theme are used quite commonly.

Doubtless there will be legions of readers who will misunderstand and think that I am promoting such deception, when in fact the opposite is true.

Anonymous said...

Why is an invitation to a threeway "crass and contemptible behavior"? It might be fun.

starbuck said...

I didn't get the impression you were a scam artist Crom.

Steve said...

You have some interesting companions. As in the apocryphal Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times."

August said...

Are you being extraordinary, or are you being competitive?
Men want to marry women who display the characteristic of loyalty.

Chances are, the men who want long term relationships are leaving rather early.

But the men who do like women who compete like it for a very simple reason; it's a challenge. That challenge ends in the bedroom, and then they move on.

My apologies if I am wrong, but you must admit, the theory fits the facts.

prettylady said...

At the very least you could revise your post to illustrate that I am not in fact the author of this scam.

Crom, you do not understand the Vox Strategy of Marketing. I am increasing your traffic, my dear, as legions of irate females click over to your blog to chew you out, and remain to soak in your words of wisdom. Have faith.

Why is an invitation to a threeway "crass and contemptible behavior"?

If you have to ask, Pretty Lady doesn't wish to know you, as you have already yourself divined, by choosing to remain anonymous. Hmph.

You have some interesting companions.

Where?

Are you being extraordinary, or are you being competitive?

Hmph! Hmph! Hmph! Pretty Lady knows those vile Competitive Females of which you speak, and she not only is not one of them, and has never been one of them, but can spot them a mile away and knows that there is nothing to be done with them but to courteously shun them. If you do not, they will not only attempt to seduce your lover, but rob your closet and plot to socially ostracize you behind your back. The fact that you have mistaken Pretty Lady for ONE SECOND for a creature like that shows that you have VASTLY misunderstood not only her question, but her ENTIRE CHARACTER. Hmph.

Pretty Lady is loyal to a fault, which has cost her heavily in the past, when the females to whom you refer have wormed their way into her confidence.

Furthermore, the males to whom she refers in the above post have not gotten to know her well enough to determine whether she is 'competitive' or not. All they know of her is that she is funny, clever and does not appear to fit a predetermined Box of their own devising. So promptly they endeavor to fit her into the 'trollop' box, and are soundly trounced for their troubles.

Your theory fits no facts except for your own preconceived notions.

HMPH.

Pretty Lady would spit, except that she is not that vulgar, even unto sustaining such an extreme insult as you have cavalierly bestowed.

Morris said...

"All they know of her is that she is funny, clever and does not appear to fit a predetermined Box of their own devising."
I by no means have you figured out - not even close. I don't like to label people, but like most people I inevitably end up doing so.
But one thing I did figure out quickly, or I would not have been returning on a regular basis - you have a good heart, milady. More often than not, that's good enough for me.

Crom said...

"Crom, you do not understand the Vox Strategy of Marketing. I am increasing your traffic

Ah... I had not thought of it from that point of view. Legions of angry women, come hither! Be prepared to be angered, horrified and eventually, informed.

And Starbuck, I am not a scam artist, and never was. I have always been if anything too honest and forthright, and many women do not like that - many do indeed prefer the game players. I have been told that I am the dreaded "Too Nice" by some women, although not so much in the last twenty years or so. Heh. Even women who ostensibly are old enought to know better still fall for some of these traps.

PL - danke for the link love, luv.

Steve said...

"Companions" in the sense that you apparently know people for a while (small or long) and they feel they can invite you to participate in (yes, I agree) sordid activities. Certainly not day-to-day companions.
As to your question, I have seen the behaviors you describe. Part of being extraordinary is being open to "the different". Indeed, searching it out. Many men appear to think that the items you listed are "different", and therefore may be interesting to you. Certainly they're interested in that particular brand of different. They don't know (and don't find out)that if PL has heard that brand of different 86 1/2 times, she is appalled, disgusted and worse, bored with hearing about it.
I understand that "if you don't ask, you don't get", but I empathize with your position of "stop with the asking all the time".
As for failure to pick up the check, whining, etc., etc.,I can only chalk that up to New York. Nothing like that ever happens here in the heartland (tongue firmly in cheek here).

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the people to whom you are referring are among those dolts who are only capable of putting women in two categories - madonnas and whores. Since you don't fit the madonna category they place you in the other one.

Another might be that they "know" that the women who do these things are unconventional. Therefore, since you are unconventional, it's worth a try.

Needless to say, both explanations require the persons in question to be total boors.

Chris Rywalt said...

madonnas and whores

You missed one. There are three: Virgin, whore, crone. Or maiden, mother, crone. Depending on how cynical you're feeling. The important one is crone, because that's when a woman gets to drop all the other-directed crap and get on with being herself.

I suspect Pretty Lady will be much happier when she enters this phase of her life. With plenty of cats around, of course.

Terrymum said...

You are my child. I was forever the 3rd wheel. Until I got that law degree AND realized that 99% of all men (and most women) are intimidated by someone who is pretty AND very smart.

Just embrace your own special nature. And exude self-confidence. And do NOT let the insecurities of smaller minds and souls get you down.

Here is a poem I wrote, years ago, explaining it:


Like moths that fly to flame they come to me
and flutter near but do not touch my fire;
admiring light, they want what they can’t be
they do not grasp the brightness they desire.

The flame would singe and burn their tattered wings.
Fire seeks no harm to those who would draw near.
But feeds on fuel not given by these things;
what we can’t join, yet want, we justly fear.

What joy for water flowing over stone
to realize we do not change alone.

Anonymous said...

Here's a thought: what if the man IS interested in her AND wants to get laid? When did these concepts become mutually exclusive again? Did we go back to the '50s while I was out for a bit? Jeez...

Here's the flaw with this whole scenario: Standup guys will do EXACTLY what the scam artist in the example does. The nice guy will be afraid of blowing it and not wanting her to think of him as a creep; while the scammer will FEIGN fear of screwing up, but has much less honorable intentions from the outset.

So, how can you tell, ladies? You can't. It's extremely difficult to differentiate a good dude from a master scammer under these particular circumstances. So go with your instincts and hope for the best. But if it backfires, don't make the good guys pay for it. We've got enough problems.

prettylady said...

Unfortunately, Anon, after a large amount of assume-the-best-until-proven-otherwise experience, Pretty Lady has begun to suspect that we never actually left the 50's. All that double-standard eradication business was just a ruse.

However, by no means does Pretty Lady mean to make the good guys pay for anything. They do, indeed, have a mind-boggling array of problems not of their own making, just like the good girls do.