Wednesday, October 04, 2006

A clarification

Pretty Lady has, in recent days, been subject to a great number of helpful, well-intentioned, serious comments urging her to find a mate and reproduce. She understands that these friends of hers have the best of intentions. She knows that they not only have Pretty Lady's interests at heart, but the interests of Larger Civilization at heart as well. She is unutterably honored to know that they connect these two causes as having mutual relevance. She would only ask these dear friends of hers one question: what would you like her to say in response?

Would you like her to say, "Yes, I know that marriage and family is the most fulfilling thing a woman can aspire to. I have known this for decades. I have been searching assiduously for a proper mate during all that time."

"I have had my heart broken many times; nay, I have seen my heart shattered into smithereens by indifferent geniuses who then went on to take a wife within a year, and father a daughter named Mars Valentine, who loves to dance jazz improvisation?"

"I have renounced the Perfect Man with regretful, quiet integrity, knowing that he could offer me everything the material world could provide, only lacking the resonant assent of my unharnessable, wayward heart?"

"I have seen my love and livelihood casually wasted by the love of my life, who loved me the best he could, being only too irremediably damaged to love committedly or well? I have seen my carefully constructed and intimately nurtured dreams ground to dust under an impotent heel?"

"I have had to resign myself to the possibility that with all my utmost endeavors, all my virtues, wisdom, creativity and humor, yet there may be no way to control my own fate. That it may already be Too Late; that it was not in the stars that Pretty Lady would ever find True Love and settle down. I know my own nature too well to think that Settling would ever be a possibility; I would far, far rather remain eternally alone than to join my fortunes with a mate whom I could not sincerely respect, adore, rely upon, and engage in a lifelong conversation. I have had to Let Go and Trust God, since there seem to be precious few other things in this life which are worthy of my trust."

Would you like to hear Pretty Lady say these things? Or would you rather respect her reticence, her stoic demeanor, her privacy, her decision to face reality with faith, optimism and humor?

Really, Pretty Lady would like to know.


Anonymous said...

Forgive me for whatever part I've shared in this carelessness. The truth is that I made a clumsy effort to compliment and encourage you. And I believe that one time I even criticized your approach. I apologize.

It’s difficult for those of us that have been lucky in love to empathize with you. I can try, but in the end I know that what separates our experience is luck or fate… neither of which we control. I got my share of scrapes and bruises earlier in life, and, to be sure, a happy marriage requires effort and patience. But my love for Nicole was like falling off a log, and I barely remember all of the trials beforehand because they look so dim and foolish now.

I will pray for your happiness, whatever brings it about.

Anonymous said...

My wife was 37 and I was 31 when we met. Both of us had, as you said, finally let go and let God. I know the pain, I know there's nothing that can be said to lessen it, and all I can suggest is to live each day abundantly and use your gifts, and always remember, who knows what lies just around the corner?


Anonymous said...

Interesting discussion on "What is Love" and the concept of settling and/or actively searching for it, in recent blog (public one sponsored by a community paper)

Pretty Lady said...

Thanks, boys. I confess I was yanking chains just a teeny-tiny bit, after a suggestion from my dearest sister, who has been plagued with similar well-meaning advice on a very touchy issue. But as you say, these things are not within our control.

Terrymum, I have to say that 'feeds me well and doesn't beat me' pretty much covers it, as long as the 'feeding and beating' covers not only the literal, but the spiritual, emotional, intellectual and sexual as well.

Chris Rywalt said...

I think, darling Pretty Lady, that what your dear friends would like to hear from you is that you'd prefer to have casual, consequence-free, uninhibitedly acrobatic sex with random men who wander by for visits at odd hours.

Anonymous said...

Actually, the comments following the blog contain advice on how to go about finding true love (or at least keep busier meanwhile). Being a realist (or at least trying to be a realist) I like the idea of going about any task as if it were an assignment in school.

The ideas proffered in the comment section center upon the concept of being brutally honest (with oneself, first and foremost)about (a) what it is that the seeker is actually wanting in/from a mate and (b) the possiblity that the things sought (1) do not exist in any one person and/or (2) cannot be "demanded" by the person seeking such traits/things, perhaps in part b/c they do not have the "coin" with which to purchase the demanded traits/things. Making a list, an honest and realistic list, of the traits most treasured and most despised, then passing it out and using it, can help the "Employer" find the best "Employee" a lot faster then just hoping the skies will open up and make the perfect "deposit".

Anonymous said...

Why Ms. Pretty Lady.....What I would like to hear you say is that you are going out to have an incredible Ice cream sundae and take in the sun afterward.....for as the old saw goes...
where there's a will...there's a wayward heart.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful comments. I on the other hand feel a song coming on...

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (from Monty Python)

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

Bob said...

Quit obsessing about it all. When the right guy comes along, you'll know it, and you'll know what to do... without a shadow if a doubt.

In the Meantime, enjoy life.

Just don't get too banged up.

Chris Rywalt said...

Bob suggests:
Just don't get too banged up.

I think the trouble is Pretty Lady wants to get banged up.

Anonymous said...

OT and OT again.

I had never heard of the Dresden Dolls until you referenced them in a post recently. I found a website that had a video of theirs, and I must admit it was interesting.

The lead singer was attractive at the beginning of the video, her appearance was a little strange but I have always been mildly attracted to goth-esque women. However, by the end of the video the lead singer had morphed into a repulsive, screaming mess.

The reason I bring it up here is that I cannot recall an approach like this, where you are initially seduced into a performance and then viscerally knifed at the end.

I am still not a fan of the Dresden Dolls, but I wanted to share my thoughts on the experience.


Pretty Lady said...

So glad you checked them out, Crom! I must admit that my slightly twisted sense of aesthetics and psychology gets a kick out of the Dresden Dolls; the juxtaposition of creative musicality and raving psychosis gets me every time. I haven't actually watched any videos of theirs, but you've inspired me to go look.

My favorite song of theirs, if you happen to hear it, is 'The Jeep Song.' Bap-bap-ba-dadda-bap!

Chris Rywalt said...

I downloaded one of their videos here and found it Not Safe For Work. I also downloaded some of their music and found it Not Safe For Eardrums.

Anonymous said...

For those who encourage one to stop being picky and just get on the next bus, I say: better single and lonely sometimes than married and miserable all the time.

I respect your reticence, your stoic demeanor, your privacy, and your decision to face reality with faith, optomism and humor!!

Bob said...

"reticense... stoic demeanor,... privacy... faith... optomism and humor!"


And here all this time I thought it was nothing more than a habit of not facing anything without a truckload of emotions tossed in first.

The Aardvark said...

There IS much to be said for reticence.

This baring one's figurative breast to the world for whatever gaping or daggers to be proffered can be a dangerous biz.

On the other hand, Sulum est inscribo ut meus opinio.

"Everyone is entitled to my opinion."

Without that motto, the Blog-O-Verse would be exceeding dull!


Anonymous said...

Well, I personally would like to hear that over the weekend you met a gorgeous architect who spends his spare time building homes for Habitat for Humanity (charitable *and* sexy forearms, or maybe that's just my thing), when he's not guest-lecturing on the Great Cathedrals of Europe, and the two of you are expecting triplets this summer after you return from your Mediterranean honeymoon.
But then, dammit, I'm pretty weird.