Saturday, February 17, 2007

A Casual Musing upon the Lighthearted Subject of Murder

This being a Saturday evening, and Pretty Lady having laboured a strenuous afternoon, and well along into the evening; and Pretty Lady having passed by the wine shop and picked up a little bottle of very reasonably priced vin Francaise, to go with the marinara marinating in the fridge; and this wine having made her moderately maudlin, she has decided to forthrightly essay the topic of Murder. Murder of Innocent little Unborn Babes, that is.

Upon the investigation of any Felony Crime, the question of Motive inevitably arises. Indeed, the vast majority of Plots and Dramas hinge upon this issue; without them, Agatha Christie and her ilk would devolve into so many jigsaw puzzles. Casual, suitable for a desultory fireside evening, but unlikely to envelop the reader in any compelling Need to Understand. There would be no Dramatic Denoument, else.

(Pretty Lady has the uneasy feeling that perhaps she is murdering her French references, but has decided to let that pass. She is working early tomorrow, as well.)

So. Without hurling Wild Accusations, without even confessing to a crime--indeed, Pretty Lady has no crime with which to confess, unless it be a crime of Thought Only. For Pretty Lady has never, in fact, murdered any unborn babe. She has never had this opportunity. And at this point in her existence, she is genuinely uncertain as to whether to be thankful or regretful that such an opportunity has never come to pass.

Because Pretty Lady, at this point in her life, is categorically opposed to terminating a potential, personal pregnancy. This is Pretty Lady's personal view, and is not intended to be construed or extended as a moral judgment upon others.

But there has been a time in Pretty Lady's life when, in the wild throes of Abandonment and Despair, that the incoherent thought flooded through her brain: 'if I were pregnant now, I would definitely have an abortion.'

Pretty Lady cannot deny it. If sin originates within the mind, Pretty Lady is guilty. Guilt is clear; it is incontrovertible, it is punishable to the fullest extent of the law. Motive plays no part. It is mere self-indulgence, then, and possibly entertaining and educatory to her readers, that Pretty Lady feels compelled to explain the motive behind her crime of thought.

You see, when Pretty Lady bestows her heart, she may not bestow it wisely, but she does bestow it utterly. And the more time passes in relationship, after the fact of this bestowal, the more utterly does she absorb, attach and envelop herself within the Beloved. This is not a Flight of Fancy, either. With Pretty Lady, Intimacy encompasses the intellectual, the emotional, and the spiritual, as well as, and eventually, the merely physical.

So that when she gets to the point of saying to herself, "Perhaps I will bear this man's child," it is not a Casual Thing. It has taken her years to arrive there. And Pretty Lady, odd and quirky as she is, does not believe that she is unique among her gender. She rather suspects, in the deeps of her mind, that other ladies arrive at this place as well.

So that when she is there, when she is Intimate, when she is viewing the man before her and thinking this thing, which took her years to accomplish, and the man in question casually declares, "I'll be leaving town this evening; thanks for the hospitality," the meltdown in Pretty Lady's mind approaches the Apocalyptic. It is accompanied by the Rending of the Intellectual, the Emotional, the Spiritual and the Physical; it induces a temporary state of Utter Nihilism and Despair.

This is the point, after the van has departed, after the bathtub has drained, after the dishwasher has run, when the only sound is the sound of the sparrow chirping in the eaves, this is the moment when the Evil Crime is committed, in Pretty Lady's mind. If her Mate, her Beloved, her partner of heart and soul and mind, can so casually depart, leaving the tip on the table, then obviously this world is not fit for living. It is not fit for innocence. It is not fit for babies, however theoretical and potential and doomed.

For Pretty Lady believes that Crime is rarely committed by the individual. It comes about, rather, as a concatenation of circumstance; of a thousand thousand tiny wrongs which are never set right. It is perpetrated by daily, casual indifference, habitual indifference, indifference which is hardened into self-righteous egotism, indifference which is wilfully blind.

Pretty Lady is not defending anybody; she is not extending her own experience to that of the world at large. Motives vary with the individual and circumstance. We are all sinners.

However she asks, she merely asks, that any man who casts stones at Women who Murder Unborn Babes, that he ask himself--have I ever been casual? Have I been indifferent? Have I in any way contributed to the mountain of cruelty and irreverence that makes up the physical world?

Because if you can answer 'yes' to any of these questions, then you have your labours cut out for you. And those labours do not include the casting of stones.


Anonymous said...

Couldn't this be said of the young man who just went on a real life killing spree?

As for guilt, I take my share. My hands are red, have no doubt, in even the death of perfection. And yet, in those depths, I find that I must decry murder most foul. I know what it is, where it lives, and how it manifests. I know more than most, I must admit. So much so, that after some time of knowing and thinking, I indicated to my last pregnable lady friend, should she kill me once, she would kill me twice. One itteration of me, my future, in an office. One itteration of me, the present, in whatever manner I deemed appropriate to my shared sin. Ah, you see, the rock was saved for me.

Anonymous said...

Abortion is murder. Plain and simple. If a man talks a woman into an abortion, they are both guilty. If a woman does it without his knowledge, she is alone guilty.

I never, ever thought I would hear people try to bring about abortion to include the ones already born. But I have read some "intellectuals" state that they think it should be legal to abort children up to 5 years of age. And I tell you that just ticks me off. There is only one thing stopping me from blowing up abortion clinics... God hasn't told me to do that.

However, I also believe a person can find forgiveness, for any sin, from God. If they truely repent.

But to kill an innocent because you are not ready for children.. it isn't right.
To kill an innocent to cover a sin is an atrocity.

But still, there is forgiveness.

And I believe, no matter what women say, there is a price to pay for aborting a baby. These women pay for the rest of their lives...
They figure out when about that child would have been born and then every year they think "How old would they have been now?" "I wonder what they would have been like?" "Would I have had a beautiful daughter? Would I have had a handsome son?"

Sex outside of marriage can have serious consequences... Why won't people listen and wait for marriage to give your gift to your lover?

It is just sad...

My ex-wife didn't wait until marriage. And then couldn't wait until she got out of it. She then had 2 abortions that I had to pay for. I still understand that one...
(I refused to pay, but the courts said I was responsible..)

Can you tell I feel strongly about this? And yes if a woman spat in my face and called me a male pig for trying to deny a woman the right to abortion.. That would be one of the rare times I would actually hit a woman. No matter how long I stayed in jail.

Sorry, PL... I got a feeling you might not have wanted to hear that..

Although, If I get close enough to a woman to sleep with them... I would make sure we were married before then. i wouldn't ever run out on them.

Pretty Lady said...

Starbuck, at least YOU are consistent. It is the 'men' who are thoroughly irresponsible themselves, unto the act of casually murdering a relationship, who then turn around and wish to make women responsible for their irresponsibility, whom I am addressing.

mitzibel said...

Personally, I could never abort a child of mine. Not after having been pregnant, and now having an absolute *knowledge* of just how early that clump of cells becomes a cherished child, not after having felt a baby move in me. But I've luckily never been in a place of such terror and desperation that I've had to truly deliberate the option.
Any woman faced with that choice is in a dark and distant territory I've never traveled; how the hell can I assume to draw her a map? I can show her maps that have gotten other women through to the other side, but funny thing is, they're all and each of them different. All I can do is hold her hand, and maybe a flashlight.

Anonymous said...

My my. Not content to merely open Pandora's Box, but to turn it upside down, vigorously shake it until the remaining contents spill wetly across the waxed hardwood floor.

I read your three theses nailed to the door of the Church of Male Sexual Behavior and must concurrently ask, why must only the men ask themselves these questions?

(H)ave I ever been casual?
Yes. I am not a celibate monk, and in my earlier years engaged in congress with women that were equally willing to throw caution to the wind. This was not intelligent behavior, and I make no excuse for it. But it must be said that my partners were equally culpable in their participation. Women are equally responsible for the consequences when they take a man to bed casually.

Have I been indifferent?
This is not specific enough. If the question is would I be indifferent to a child produced by a casual encounter - the answer is no. I would take the child to raise myself if she did not want it, and I am fully capable of supporting that child and raising it up well. I would also pay child support without hesitation despite finding the idea of mandatory child support exceptionally repugnant. The truth of the matter is that while I may be a fool, I could never be selfish enough to execute my children because they are expensive or inconvenient. Again, it requires a modicum of responsibility on the woman's part as well, females are certainly aware of the potential pregnancies that can occur with sex and should keep those possibilities in mind when engaging in it.

Have I in any way contributed to the mountain of cruelty and irreverence that makes up the physical world?
The answer is, not intentionally. I have hurt people by leaving them, I have seen the tears brim over and the anguished question of "Why?" as I make my exit. In my defense, I have not ended any relationships arbitrarily, there are always compelling reasons for my actions. Sometimes, love is not enough to sustain two people together - there are other compatibilities that must be there for a long-term commitment to flourish. As for irreverence, I would say only in theory. I am as capable of laughter at ribald tales as any other man, the difference is that I no longer engage in that behavior myself.

Intelligent and compassionate males and females take responsibility for any offspring they produce, no matter how trifling the conception. Casting stones at the ignorant and selfish is not inappropriate, because to remain silent is to condone irresponsibility and in the end, murder.

In addition, having engaged in risky behavior in the past does not disqualify you from making judgments on that behavior later. Not only do you speak from an informed position, it is likely that having brushed up against this issue firsthand has increased your awareness of the consequences and reinforced current opinions and actions. We are supposed to learn from our mistakes.

Ignorance and selfishness should never be justification for infanticide.

Pretty Lady said...

Not content to merely open Pandora's Box

Yep. Don't know what got into me.

why must only the men ask themselves these questions?

Because, in Pretty Lady's personal experience, not to be confused with the experience of anyone else on the planet, it is the men to whom these questions only seem to occur, far along in the second half of life, if ever.

females are certainly aware of the potential pregnancies that can occur with sex and should keep those possibilities in mind


Pardon the outburst. That was Pretty Lady's eighteen-year-old self speaking; the eighteen-year-old blushing virgin who entered the world, fully expecting that men would wish to date her. After a time, she expected, perhaps two months, or three, these men would earnestly try to talk her into having sex with them.

She had her compassionate, understanding, firm little speech prepared, for this eventuality; it was something along the lines of boundaries, and responsibility, and ethics, and commitment, and the possibility and desire for children. It was all very sensible and high-minded.

What Pretty Lady's eighteen-year-old self was utterly unprepared for was what actually happened--men she hardly knew, casually propositioning her, and when she indignantly turned them down, calling her ugly names and sleeping with her best friend. All of them. Every one.

She must repeat, not a single man of her acquaintance seemed to have the faintest understanding of 1) responsibility; 2) consequences; or 3) how to treat a lady, or even what a lady might happen to BE. They ALL treated the eighteen-year-old virginal Pretty Lady as though she were definitely an irresponsible slut, and in behaving otherwise, she was obviously being deceptive, teasing and coy.

Perhaps this has no relevance at all to the topic under discussion, but then again, perhaps it might.

Anonymous said...

I can counterpoint this by stating that when I was a freshman in college I had a terminal case of Nice Guy syndrome, whereupon every female I met placed me squarely in the dreaded Friend Zone. As my caddish brothers mounted their conquests, I was relegated to spectator status.

This was because I had the rare opportunity to have a real girlfriend in high school who was not interested in dating a teenage prick, and I entered university at eighteen believing that most women my age were as sane and knowledgeable as my ex-girlfriend.

I quickly learned that in fact the opposite was true, and was told to my face that I was Too Nice and that I would not get what I came for. So, I harnessed that anger and disappointment and put it to devastating use. The worse I behaved had the opposite effect on the ladies surrounding me. I was continually rewarded with copious amounts of sex for being rude, cuttingly sarcastic and overwhelmingly indifferent to the feelings of all females. Savage language and brawling were the keys to female hearts and drawers everywhere, and the less I cared, the more sex I received.

After some time, my arrogance actually saved me. I decided that I should not lower myself to traffic amongst these easy females who allowed themselves to fall over with their legs in the air to the first man to display the remotest pheremonal trace of testosterone. I began to seek out a woman who had some self-respect, and found mostly the angry ones who had grown out of this destructive cycle. Instead, what I sought was a woman who had held herself above the coital fray, and who had maintained her independence and morality despite living in the candy shop.

I was dismayed though when I found that these higher-morality women that I truly desired found me wanting, and that my barbaric behavior earned me a firm handshake goodnight at the door, and no second chance. It was after this experience that I began to realize that to attract a quality girl, I had to be of like character. I needed a moral woman who was capable of forgiveness and would not hold the capricious sins of youth against me. So I started behaving like a gentleman again, albeit not being Too Nice since that still remains the kiss of death.

Once I embarked upon this path I began to meet women in other places than bars, and the quality of my company improved exponentially. This eventually led me to embrace Christianity as a moral foundation, since I could find no logical flaw in it's philosophy and it promoted a modicum of ascetism that resonated with my new spartan philosophy.

I have told female friends that if they truly wish to keep a man, do not under any circumstances sleep with him before there is any emotional commitment. Kissing, heavy petting is fine, but if he cannot wait past the third date, or the sixth, or the tenth then he is not worth having. Of course, these ladies do not listen to me and continue to give themselves away and then wonder why he does not call.

I do not pretend to understand why they fail to see this, the only logical solution is that Heidegger was correct when he stated, "We pursue that which retreats from us," which in my opinion is a piss-poor foundation on which to build a relationship.

Anonymous said...

I too fall into the category of anti-abortion but I am still not willing to be judge and jury of those who have made that awful choice. I haven't ever been in such straights, so I don't know how it feels!

I was a "nice" girl who saved herself for marriage (which was, as it turns out, a poor way to find out that ones chosen mate is not moral, but rather sexually prudish to the point of frigidity - yes males too can have that problem). Thus, I acted "responsibly" despite the rather unpleasant results (being celibate for years in marriage is not any fun, let me tell you!)

When in college, I had many "nice" male friends with whom I sympathized when we discussed the rather self-destructive tendency of many young females. So often they were all too willing to copulate with the males most likely to break their hearts and quickly abandom them if they announced they were "with child." But, in their defense, the males who weren't willing to engage in some "he-male" behaviors rarely appeal to the biological need to mate with someone who can protect the brood.

In our society, like it or not, the female still carries the greatest responsibility to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Men are presumed to all be pigs, until proven otherwise. It is a wise female who does not forget this and acts accordingly. It does not pay to copulate without protection until/unless a formal commitment is offered and accepted!

Lastly, all males who willingly "fornicate" must then be willing to either "pony up" on the sharing of the guilt for any and all pregnancies, children, or abortions. At the very least people who are sexually irresponsible themselves need to shut their pie holes when it comes to any discussion on the morality of abortion.

Pretty Lady said...

which was, as it turns out, a poor way to find out that ones chosen mate is not moral, but rather sexually prudish to the point of frigidity

You see, Terrymum, this is one of the horror stories which convinces me that moral rigidity can be responsible for as many tragic occurrences as a complete lack of responsibility. To me, it seems only sensible to run a test-drive before purchasing, to ensure compatibility if nothing else.

I can't imagine what it must have been like, for those Victorian wives who entered marriage in a state of virtuous innocence, only to discover that their chosen mate was a bondage freak, or something equally strange, albeit more common than many people realize. Or rather, I CAN imagine it, and it gives me the horrors.

Are you still married to this person, if you don't mind my asking?

mitzibel said...

Your best friend was a slut!! And that's coming from a former title holder in the Slutty McWhoreSkank World Championship ;)

Sorry, that was random. It's one of those days.

Pretty Lady said...

Actually, Mitzibel, my best friend was not a slut; my best friend was a nasty, sabotaging, soul-sucking, jealous, competitive Bitch From Hell.

Should I demonstrate interest in a fellow, she would either seduce him or attack his looks, character, intelligence and personality until she had conclusively proven that only a retard would date him. Should I acquire an attractive piece of clothing, she would attempt to steal it; when this attempt was thwarted, she would buy the identical item, and complain that I dressed the same as her. She invaded and destroyed every corner of my private and public lives, gaslighting me on all fronts with savage determination, until I was forced to use my Pretty Lady superpowers and Banish her from Polite Society. This woman was Evil, this woman was Vicious, this woman was Bad News. She was a JAP from Greenwich Village, incidentally.

Pretty Lady has, on occasion, suffered from an excess of Compensation; occasionally she will befriend a person solely to assuage the deep guilt she feels for not liking them very much. Hopefully she has managed to curb this tendency with maturity.

She hastens to add that she likes YOU, Mitzibel, just fine.

Anonymous said...

Nope PL...Ended it finally, after 25 years. Went a little slutty for awhile (darn Catholic morality is hard to shake, but not impossible). Am now married to a nutty man whom I love just as much (or more) and who loves me truly (and really).

When a relationship is going badly, sex takes on a meaning that becomes about 90% of the relationship. If the relationship is healthy, then the importance it plays in the relationship becomes much less...

Anonymous said...

And BTW, yet another thing we have in common...the adoption (to the point of BF status being bestowed) of unworthy people, with the hope of teaching them to love. Stop it now. Do not bestow true love, friendship (or even a smigeon of your soul) upon those who do not prize you and return the favor(s) in kind or even more.

Set a good example. Be kind. Be fair. Even be generous. But learn that you won't ever be able to change anyone else. You can influence them, if they want to make changes. But that is their choice, and you really aren't that powerful, even if your love is of greater quality then most people's love.

Lead. If people want to follow, fine. If not, that's fine too; leave them behind. Help. But do not enable bad behaviors. Do not mistake people's parastic behaviors for true regard. Love. But do not think that lust, or attention, or even great sex equals love. Enjoy. But do not ignore warnings that pain is taking over.

And above all else, learn to distinguish true friends from projects!

Pretty Lady said...

Terrymum, will you be my Big Sister?

Anonymous said...

I think I already am dear one, or even your surrogate mother (I am old enough). I have repeatedly told you that you appear to be me, if I'd had the hutzhpah to move to New York (from Kansas) as I should have done, had I not been so weak and tied into family guilt. If/when you tire of the fast pace and great restaurants etc., you are most welcome to join us. In fact, if/when it becomes necessary, Mitzy and I et al have plans for our own personal compound! You will make a nice addition to the clan! LOL.