Tuesday, June 12, 2007

How to be a Charming Con Artist

1) When you show up twenty minutes late for your appointment, apologize. Do not make a fuss about where your bicycle is chained, and waste more of Pretty Lady's time going up and down stairs to bring it into the hallway, where the neighbors will trip over it.

2) Refrain from rolling your eyes during your therapy session. If there is something going on that you dislike, feel free to express your opinion with directness and clarity.

3) Thank your therapist afterward, whatever you thought of the session.

4) When you discover that you have brought insufficient legal tender to cover the cost of your session, have the grace to be embarrassed. Offer to leave something behind as collateral. Apologize profusely. Say how much better you feel after the session, and how dreadful it is, having to stress out over a stupid thing like money.

5) Leave your bicycle in the hall while you run to the ATM, in good faith.

6) When you discover that your card does not work in the ATM, call Pretty Lady immediately, explain the situation, and apologize again. Do not leave her hanging for 45 minutes as she grows increasingly irritated and suspicious.

7) When several ATMs reject your card, the likelihood that you do not have sufficient funds in your account to cover the fee is high. Thus, offering to 'send a check' to an already irritated and suspicious Pretty Lady does not mollify her greatly, bounced check fees being what they are.

8) Apologize again, and do not hang up on an understandably angry Pretty Lady until she is done speaking, whatever you may think of what she has to say.

If you follow these simple steps, you may still be a con artist, but you have occasioned far less stress to self and other than by simply being an irresponsible, self-absorbed flake.


Anonymous said...

A competent con-artist would not string the mark along like that with nothing to gain from it. This was an inconsiderate flake. Sorry that you have to deal with that jack-assery, dear.

Anonymous said...

Bad hair(client) day? sorry.

jeff said...

ahh the price of doing business in the city.
Sorry to hear about the crime this person committed.

It's called theft of services, by the way did you keep the bike?

You could take the rube to small claims court.

Of course that's a hassle in it self.

Anonymous said...

Ah my...

A new list of rules to help gloss over the anger and embarrassment of being bilked.

What is it with this tendency for the endless creation of new rules, regulations and laws?

Other than creating a feel-good mood, none of them will help a whit... without enforcement.

Your list above will not change the conduct of this guy, but getting your way in small claims court would.

Make a difference. Haul his ass into court.

Pretty Lady said...

Bobert, you are a goofball. If you will look over Pretty Lady's 'rules and regulations' you will notice that they merely consist of manners. The ones you were complaining that people had not been exposed to. That is all.

For the record, the person concerned has contacted Pretty Lady, explained the situation more fully, and allegedly sent the funds, so court action will not be necessary. The problem was, indeed, Poor Social Skills.

For the other record, Pretty Lady is indeed against governmental regulation of Poor Social Skills, but in her private life she campaigns heavily for Social Skills Instruction. As you all well know.

jeff said...

Nothing like a good dose of guilt to make a rube pay up.

If one wants governmental regulation of Poor Social Skills try Singapore.

The have rules for almost everything.

Anonymous said...

Pretty Lady,

Thank you for providing me a road map for how I might enrich myself without having to work too hard. All I have to do is "show" a little consideration and respect by following the appropriate rules.

Maybe I'll see how much I can get out of you the next time I visit my brother in Coney Island. (Don't be too concerned; I haven't been up to see him since '89.)


Anonymous said...

Well piddle...

He wasn't a bad guy after all?

Just short of cash?

None the less, he did yank your chain vigorously...


Doom said...

I hate to see a legitimate person have to struggle with the foolishness of the truly unwashed masses. You are quite genuine, I believe, even should we have a notion to disagree from time to time on minor issues. Because of that I feel your frustration, sort of. It could be worse, but why linger in maybes.

Perhaps an angel will bless your day tomorrow, and like Snoopy finding a surprise treat, free and clear of cost, toil, or trouble, you'll do a Snoopy dance. Ah, balance. How quaint, in that words various meanings, if true and necessary?

Well, despite your spat, your blessings are living in a life worth living in. I hope you know I sincerely appreciate you sharing your ups and downs, in any case. You share them well, your words are alive.