Monday, June 04, 2007

Conspiracy uncovered

Pretty Lady has discovered something.

Take a look at these cans. Do you note anything particular about them? Anything special, in an aesthetic way?


Yes. They all look sort of retro, particularly the artichoke hearts and the hearts of palm. Sort of like they fell out of a nineteen-fifties time-warp.

It has become increasingly borne in upon Pretty Lady that most of the canned goods in the grocery store are sporting this aesthetic. What could this mean?

Pretty Lady thinks it is an Insidious Plot. Now is the explanation for why all the bohemian ladies in her bohemian neighborhood are suddenly becoming pregnant. She wouldn't be surprised if these cozy-looking cans are spiked with female hormones. They are luring all those bohemian girls back into the kitchen, and motherhood, and cookie-baking. "Come back to the times of flowery aprons and bright-red lipstick," they seem to be saying.

So have no fear; the canned-goods industry is making certain, all unbeknownst to Independent Thinkers, that Western Civilization carries on, and is not swamped by the infidel hordes.

Pretty Lady sleeps better at night, knowing that the capitalist powers that be have our future so well in hand.

10 comments:

thimscool said...

Hmmm. None of them looks like a good mix with vodka.

I have a friend that once mixed himself a vodka and chickpea juice cocktail, drunkenly mistaking the latter for coconut milk.

I suppose it was the last of the bottle, because he went ahead and drank the swill. I doubt it was for his health.

You sound vaguely envious.

prettylady said...

Envious of a person so desperately alcoholic that he would drink vodka-chickpea swill? You sound vaguely delusional.

And Pretty Lady has nothing to be envious of. She is the prima concoctress of artichoke-heart, corn, tuna, heart-of-palm salads on her block, and people come to visit her strategically at mealtimes because of it.

thimscool said...

Since you had not heard of my friends desperate plight, how could he be the object of your envy?

Perhaps I should have employed better punctuation, or simply remembered the old adage that a closed mouth gathers no feet.

~

The salad sounds delicious. Why the chicken broth?

Anonymous said...

You have made my day.

love,

Beck

Doom said...

I seem to see what you describe. It isn't just cans, or even advertising in general, nor does it seem specific or complete, if pronounced, rather dedicated, and seemingly a majority. Though I really wonder, is it the cause or a result?

As I measure it, the culture war is either winding down or about to get red hot. But with few reds left and no converts of any worth or number, perhaps the war will be relegated to nursing homes and funeral parlors? Either way, there is a lot of fixing to do.

Now, that last is what has me a bit worried. I had warned minorities that pushing too far would cause a natural reaction, known in physics but totally lost in social sciences. For every force or action, et. al. Considering how few pushed the majority as far as they did, the response may well be catastrophic. Women, minorities, unions, and others who were given special treament of one sort may very well get at least the opposite. Trust me, this isn't my hope, just what I see.

Odd how much a can's design could portend. Of course, let us laugh this off as a fervid imagination and be happy and gay shall we.

Nancy said...

I don't mind the retro work.......but I sure wish they'd go retro on the prices too...

m said...

They are luring all those bohemian girls back into the kitchen, and motherhood, and cookie-baking. "Come back to the times of flowery aprons and bright-red lipstick," they seem to be saying.

I'm not so sure the manufacturers are leading the way; rather, they seem to be following. I do recall the 80's, what with (ahem) being past 29 now, and while they rattled on then about the new June Cleaverism, the fact of the matter was the expectation that all the women would be, if not politically feminist, actively so. Ten years later, it was universally agreed that was even more the trend then, disregarding the whole outbreak of airheadism. But the last five years, it certainly seems as if being a wife has become a career choice again, not in the sense of being powerless, but in the sense of 'can't be fucking bothered with it all'. Serious ambitions of some sort have been abandoned for ambition for ... trophy wife status, I suppose. (Stepford wife status?) Of course, it seems to be the early days of the trend (which may yet disappear), so we've got the famous filmstars who so obviously just want to be trophy wives ... bragging about their boytoys. Strange days.

I think Vox's prediction on this one (regardless of the reasoning behind) may yet pan out.

m, it's all so very awkward

prettylady said...

Gracious, so many of you people seem to assume there is something that needs to be fixed. I suppose the 'can't be bothered' aspect is a natural result of women arriving on the corporate scene and discovering that it is, most of the time, icky and stupid. The 'trophy wife' syndrome is a natural result of too much stupid TV, which Pretty Lady is immune to because she doesn't watch it.

For the rest, it seems to me that women simply have more good choices than they used to, and most of them are making them. We need not judge an entire gender by the bad choices of a few of them.

DuckMan said...

I thought in the fifties bohemian ladies in bohemian neighborhoods were all black-wearing, beret-sporting, guitar-playing, bad poetry-reciting beatniks. Not moms and housewives. Baby Doll as Mrs. Cleaver? Crazy, man, crazy! Shuck that jive. Ain't cool or happenin'.

Doom said...

Hmm, it isn't a fix as per any single person or institutes beliefs or choices, it is a fix as per natural order. And, actually, many other orders. Things have gone too far in one direction for too long in a political, historical, social, and cultural way. The 'gravity' that acts on these is just as certain as the gravity which propels a pendulum. Currently, there is a powerful lobby trying to keep the artificial imbalance in place, but as I said, they are dying.

If you can see the change, and many of us have been watching it as well, what else do you think would be happening? As for me, I am not declaring that the sky is falling, only that it could. As for women and other minorities, and current options, those are only realistic if they support the culture that created the choices. At this point, that isn't true. So, it's only a matter of which culture will replace it or whether a realignment is in time to spare parts of the original culture. Oh, and how structured that realignment will need to be.

I never really worry, I suppose. I only watch and wonder. It could be a quiet revolution, as in the former U.S.S.R. (for as good as it did, oh well), or it could be messy. China and India are about to face problems, as is Europe, and of course the US. Each different, but all caused by legal and sometimes brutal interference in those orders. I've got popcorn.