Friday, January 04, 2008

Whither Literature?

Pretty Lady's friends always have been a diverse lot:

I love your writing style. Have you had any books or anything published? and if you haven't why not?

Trust me, I won't bother in the future. I perused some of your posts and while some of them are entertaining, the same arrogance and critical attitude permeates them all.
Ah, the simplicity and optimism of extreme youth. Pretty Lady remembers it well.

First of all, in answer to the first lovely question: No. Pretty Lady is getting right on that; frankly, she is stuck for a subject. Would you all prefer Pretty Lady's first book to be on the subject of Ontological Epistemology, or Christian Blowjobs?

You see, as Pretty Lady sees it, her primary problem is one of Staying On Message. She has always had this difficulty. She maunders along whither she will, changing focus too frequently for the casual reader to develop a 30-second sound bite on What She's About, much less pitch her to an agent, publisher, or syndicated publication. As every good graffiti artist knows, Simplicity is the mother of Notoriety, and Pretty Lady, sadly, is anything but simple.

Also, as Pretty Lady's sitemeter statistics can attest, the average reader has an attention span of 00.00 seconds. This is the length of time it takes for the average reader to ascertain that Pretty Lady is wearing clothes, in her profile photograph, and moreover that her post on Christian Blowjobs is not illustrated. And thus they move on.

This does not worry Pretty Lady overmuch, for she has always taken the Long View when it comes to career issues. She sees her work as a fine wine, or even a cognac, rather than soda pop or beer; she saunters along with the languid certainty of Sade (the chanteuse, not the marquis), not the tawdry interchangeability of one of those blonde girls who are always going into rehab. Pretty Lady, being timeless, has all the time in the world. Which is a good thing, because she fears it will take the world a good long time to catch up with her.

In response to the second charming comment: Of course, dear. Your point?


BoysMom said...

I think if you were going to publish a book, the right sort of book might be essays on diverse subjects.
My $.02 worth.

Susan Constanse said...

Oh hell, go for it anyway. It can be a monument to pluralism.

k said...

Sade, sensible lady that she is, often goes about barefoot.

Just exACTly what my beloved ID doc was gently scolding me about again, the other day...And that's what she calls it when I wear flipflops.

So you see: No curly boots for Sade, at least not habitually.

It's okay to meander. It's all connected up in the end.



(frequently accused of straying Off Topic in conversations with Dr. Dad)

(who, although quite discerning in his way, still hasn't glommed on to the fact that if it didn't needle him, I'd probably focus with my perfectly functional Point A to Point B linear intensity much more often with him)

Anonymous said...

Hmm... christian blowjobs. If you're looking for a publicity boost for your book, you might try a survey of blowjobs amongst various religious traditions, including of course muslim blowjobs. A fatwah generates a lot of PR; ask Salman Rushdie.

There could be all kinds of details; differences in technique between circumcised and uncircumsized, etc. Just a thought.

See you tonight!



Anonymous said...

I meant to say, but BE CAREFUL because while a fatwah generates publicity, it has obvious drawbacks.

Pretty Lady said...

This, dear O, is one of the great, great benefits of writing in the third person. There are a nearly infinite number of Pretty Ladies in the world, and it would be highly inconvenient to declare a fatwah upon all of them.

Huckleberry said...

Would you all prefer Pretty Lady's first book to be on the subject of Ontological Epistemology, or Christian Blowjobs?

I do not see one good reason why said book cannot reasonably cover both.
They are fairly complimentary subjects, if you think about it...

Anonymous said...

I agree that covering both subjects would be delightful. And as far as the issue of being published goes I am reminded that in one way you have been published.

I've known you long enough to recall watching everyone get beaten out by you in our school's annual creative writing contest. You either won or got honorable mention nearly every year! And since a booklet of all the winners and runners up was always printed...

Hmm. When I finally plow through my storage unit I'm going to grab those up as future valuable collectables!

Pretty Lady said...

Arrrrrrrgh! Someone in possession of the Truth about my Past! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!